haven't felt this shitty in a long time. funny thing is, i didn't do anything wrong, yet i'm still the one getting hurt...

i'm not a stone. i can't take a beating like that and still survive.

edit: the left half of me just died

edit:

there is nothing but a dead silence now. i think everyone left already. i don't think i have been this lonely before. ok, maybe that's not entirely true. come to think of it, that drive from sd back home was pretty bad especially since i almost fell asleep at the wheel. but this is definitely one of the worst ever. my family's far away. i don't really have friends here, and even those i know probably can't do much to help. i just want to dig a hole and get inside until everything passes. ever have that feeling where you see nothing but blackness in your future? that's kinda like how it is right now. this is why i totally understand people who are suicidal. even though, i don't endorse it, but at least i think emotionally and psychologically, i think i know what's going on there. it's a scary feeling though. it really is. i really didn't think i was going to come back to it again. even when i tell myself to block it out, i can't help but feeling the effect of it. like a hole is being bore right in front of you. something used to be there. flesh and bones with feelings, replaced. with emptiness. a walk might be helpful if i wasn't so tired and unmotivated. the thing is, no matter what, no matter how i felt before, it always always gives me that feeling like i need cry. and cry hard.