ok so haven't written a post here in a long time. life has been incredibly busy again with finals and projects coming up. i'll make this short and to the point. about three weeks ago i did my first presentation during group meeting. i think i did fairly ok. was a little nervous of course. but advisor didn't grill me too badly. the preparation for the talk was the most difficult part. essentially i had to present something that was already proven to be np-hard most of the time. =\ anyway, i'm glad that i got to do that. finally feel like a grad student officially.
last week i skipped out on group meeting for the most part because i had a class at the time. of course on monday i was told that advisor made one of the visiting students cry. and this week she was missing from the group meeting. i think she's still pretty shaken up. words got around pretty quickly, think my advisor is going to get a reputation of making girls cry during group meetings. haha. but to be honest, i don't think it was his fault. the girl was never very well prepared during her previous talks. and also, it's obvious that her mind wasn't sat on doing the necessary work. so maybe crying is a bit too extreme, but at least she can use the reminder that she's here not to enjoy life, but to put in some hard work like everyone else.
last week i finished the project for dsp with my group. it was actually a very interesting and practical project where we took a wav file and converted the sound into readable notes. i thought that was pretty cool. at least much better than the stuff i have done before. now i just have to focus on doing the last two hw assignments and the two finals.
in terms of research, i'm back to where i started last semester. the problem is again taking a symmetric matrix and decompose it into two rank 1 matrices. i wasn't able to do that last year. but i'm thinking maybe i know how to do it now. hopefully the code i wrote before will still be useful. anyway, we shall see.
last week marks 6 months since ruby and i got together. =) were supposed to go to dinner last weekend, but both of us got really busy, so hopefully tomorrow night, we can finally go out to get some quality food. =)
ok back to work now.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
ok so here is an update on how the last two weeks have gone.
had a midterm for digital comm class in which i came in #3 in the class. that was over all pretty satisfying. made a stupid mistake on the quiz for wireless comm. =\ was pretty mad at myself for that. but over all, i'm pretty happy with where i am in my classes.
research was actually going pretty well. i made a few breakthroughs in the over all progress. but the worst thing that could actually happen happened yesterday. during our weekly meeting, advisor raised one question about the results in the two sensor node amplify and forward case. he asked huang zheng to check why the optimal power allocation graph looks exactly like the equal power allocation case, when intuitively they should have some difference. after checking, it turned out huang zheng's original model formulation had errors. and everything we have done up to that point was wasted. =\ to be honest, i had doubts about it myself. but my job wasn't modeling and formulation. i was only to do the mathematical analysis after the formulation is completed. and what was even more emotionally damaging is that we were one small proof away from being able to maybe publish a small conference paper, in which i was going to be the second author at least. but now we have to start on a different topic from scratch.
had curry chicken from chef cao's last night. thanks to my baby. it was really good actually, but for some reason, i couldn't really eat even though i was hungry.
anyway, time to get back to work.
had a midterm for digital comm class in which i came in #3 in the class. that was over all pretty satisfying. made a stupid mistake on the quiz for wireless comm. =\ was pretty mad at myself for that. but over all, i'm pretty happy with where i am in my classes.
research was actually going pretty well. i made a few breakthroughs in the over all progress. but the worst thing that could actually happen happened yesterday. during our weekly meeting, advisor raised one question about the results in the two sensor node amplify and forward case. he asked huang zheng to check why the optimal power allocation graph looks exactly like the equal power allocation case, when intuitively they should have some difference. after checking, it turned out huang zheng's original model formulation had errors. and everything we have done up to that point was wasted. =\ to be honest, i had doubts about it myself. but my job wasn't modeling and formulation. i was only to do the mathematical analysis after the formulation is completed. and what was even more emotionally damaging is that we were one small proof away from being able to maybe publish a small conference paper, in which i was going to be the second author at least. but now we have to start on a different topic from scratch.
had curry chicken from chef cao's last night. thanks to my baby. it was really good actually, but for some reason, i couldn't really eat even though i was hungry.
anyway, time to get back to work.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
optimism.
so last week was spring break. i didn't do much studying throughout. probably deserve to be smacked for that. only got to write some of the code for the lab for digital comm and did some reading for that class as well. think hw and lab are both due on wednesday.
a few things happened over the spring break that deserve to be mentioned. one of the good things that happened is that i got to go to the rec center and play bball almost every other day. that definitely helped in terms of getting my body in shape and staying physically healthy. i realized that exercise is essential if i want to take on more difficult tasks mentally. there is definitely a strong connection between the mind and the body.
on wednesday, my advisor invited all of us to go eat dinner at this new chinese restaurant. i met this other master student who just graduated from UT austin. he also studied telecommunications. he just finished his program and was on his way to cupertino to work for apple. that made me feel pretty good about my future job outlook. i'm pretty sure he only did a master of engineering, which means no thesis. so that's something to be optimistic about.
for the second time ruby went to the rec with me. she went swimming while i played basketball. =) that makes me happy. think it'd be nice when we find an apt together, kinda tired of not having a place of our own.
totally going to focus on school again starting tomorrow. going to finish the year on a high note. + oil!
so last week was spring break. i didn't do much studying throughout. probably deserve to be smacked for that. only got to write some of the code for the lab for digital comm and did some reading for that class as well. think hw and lab are both due on wednesday.
a few things happened over the spring break that deserve to be mentioned. one of the good things that happened is that i got to go to the rec center and play bball almost every other day. that definitely helped in terms of getting my body in shape and staying physically healthy. i realized that exercise is essential if i want to take on more difficult tasks mentally. there is definitely a strong connection between the mind and the body.
on wednesday, my advisor invited all of us to go eat dinner at this new chinese restaurant. i met this other master student who just graduated from UT austin. he also studied telecommunications. he just finished his program and was on his way to cupertino to work for apple. that made me feel pretty good about my future job outlook. i'm pretty sure he only did a master of engineering, which means no thesis. so that's something to be optimistic about.
for the second time ruby went to the rec with me. she went swimming while i played basketball. =) that makes me happy. think it'd be nice when we find an apt together, kinda tired of not having a place of our own.
totally going to focus on school again starting tomorrow. going to finish the year on a high note. + oil!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Do you take him to be your husband – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?
confusion.
while walking by msc today suddenly i heard the song boulevard of broken dreams by green day. kinda suit the mood i guess. reminded me of back in about 2004 when i was addicted to that song. the lyrics is a bit emo i admit, but i guess it depends on the time of the day when you listen to it. billy joel armstrong is a freaking genius though. anyway, here are the lyrics:
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...
-- boulevard of broken dreams, green day
also when i was walking down that long hall way in msc, i heard this really beautiful song being played on the piano. and the whole time walking up to it, i was wondering who was playing the piano. i mean since it's spring break, there's like no one on campus. and that lounge is completely empty. so when i finally walked to the end of the hall way, i saw this black guy playing the piano by himself. the funny thing was, i think this is the second time i have seen him playing the piano there now. i really wanted to just go up there and talk to him and ask what's his story. but then i didn't want to disturb his playing. i totally have a lot of respect for him though. i think someday i'll just go to msc and listen to him play, and maybe even talk to him. that'd be good.
while walking by msc today suddenly i heard the song boulevard of broken dreams by green day. kinda suit the mood i guess. reminded me of back in about 2004 when i was addicted to that song. the lyrics is a bit emo i admit, but i guess it depends on the time of the day when you listen to it. billy joel armstrong is a freaking genius though. anyway, here are the lyrics:
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...
-- boulevard of broken dreams, green day
also when i was walking down that long hall way in msc, i heard this really beautiful song being played on the piano. and the whole time walking up to it, i was wondering who was playing the piano. i mean since it's spring break, there's like no one on campus. and that lounge is completely empty. so when i finally walked to the end of the hall way, i saw this black guy playing the piano by himself. the funny thing was, i think this is the second time i have seen him playing the piano there now. i really wanted to just go up there and talk to him and ask what's his story. but then i didn't want to disturb his playing. i totally have a lot of respect for him though. i think someday i'll just go to msc and listen to him play, and maybe even talk to him. that'd be good.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
optimism.
first an update about today. got to the office about 10ish. and then it was non-stop studying from then on. finally stopped studying at about 4ish when chia wen called to ask how i'm doing on the studying. then he came to the office and we went to get something to eat at chipotle. of course when we went there it was pouring like hell. but at least we got some good food. =) and then after that we went to take our dsp midterm at 6.
this week was stressful. had 2 hw assignments due on monday. another one that was supposed to be due on monday but was postponed till wednesday. one midterm on tuesday and another one today. with all that going on, i'm happy to say that i think i managed everything pretty well. already know that i got full credit on the hws that were due monday. got a 28.5 out of 30 on the midterm on tuesday. today's midterm wasn't very difficult either, so i should probably be able to pull an a. so over all, i'm happy with the progress i made in my classes. this way i can actually enjoy my spring break a little bit. but of course there is really no enjoying until i graduate. still gonna be doing some studying every day during spring break. but i don't think i will feel too guilty for spending some time to relax.
really looking forward to tomorrow actually. other than a group meeting at noon i think i'm pretty free. still gonna head to the office early to check a few things so i have something to report to to the advisor. after the meeting, i'm hoping to hit the gym for a couple of hours before going to houston with the gf and some other friends. =)
after midterm ruby came and picked me up, and we made steak for dinner. so happy!!!! =) you're the best baby =)
yay spring break!
rating for 03/06/08: 9
first an update about today. got to the office about 10ish. and then it was non-stop studying from then on. finally stopped studying at about 4ish when chia wen called to ask how i'm doing on the studying. then he came to the office and we went to get something to eat at chipotle. of course when we went there it was pouring like hell. but at least we got some good food. =) and then after that we went to take our dsp midterm at 6.
this week was stressful. had 2 hw assignments due on monday. another one that was supposed to be due on monday but was postponed till wednesday. one midterm on tuesday and another one today. with all that going on, i'm happy to say that i think i managed everything pretty well. already know that i got full credit on the hws that were due monday. got a 28.5 out of 30 on the midterm on tuesday. today's midterm wasn't very difficult either, so i should probably be able to pull an a. so over all, i'm happy with the progress i made in my classes. this way i can actually enjoy my spring break a little bit. but of course there is really no enjoying until i graduate. still gonna be doing some studying every day during spring break. but i don't think i will feel too guilty for spending some time to relax.
really looking forward to tomorrow actually. other than a group meeting at noon i think i'm pretty free. still gonna head to the office early to check a few things so i have something to report to to the advisor. after the meeting, i'm hoping to hit the gym for a couple of hours before going to houston with the gf and some other friends. =)
after midterm ruby came and picked me up, and we made steak for dinner. so happy!!!! =) you're the best baby =)
yay spring break!
rating for 03/06/08: 9
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
struggles.
turned in two hw assignments yesterday. had to rush to get everything done. turned out i made a small stupid error in the hw for wireless. still have to finish hw for digital comm, which is only about half way done, and due tomorrow. and the other half are really difficult. midterm for wireless in about 15 minutes. shouldn't be that bad. let's hope i don't screw it up. one more midterm on thursday. =\ let's hope it's not too bad... sigh.
stressed.
someone needs to pick up the phone...
turned in two hw assignments yesterday. had to rush to get everything done. turned out i made a small stupid error in the hw for wireless. still have to finish hw for digital comm, which is only about half way done, and due tomorrow. and the other half are really difficult. midterm for wireless in about 15 minutes. shouldn't be that bad. let's hope i don't screw it up. one more midterm on thursday. =\ let's hope it's not too bad... sigh.
stressed.
someone needs to pick up the phone...
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
struggles.
so i'm sitting here in my office waiting for a 70 mb pdf file to finish downloading. and i thought why not write a quick entry.
so we got our midterm grades for digital communication. got an 88.25, which i think is at least a b+ probably more like an A-. there are 3 people who scored in the low 90s, and i think two people scored just a fraction above me. i'm gonna guess that the 6 highest scores are the 6 grad students in the class since the grade distribution falls off pretty significantly after that. so i'm glad at least i'm within the top 6. with that said, i could have definitely done better on that test if i was actually thinking straight about some of the problems. there were a few really silly mistakes that i realized right away after the exam. perhaps better preparation next time can eliminate those or at least keep them to a minimum.
two more midterms before spring break. really need to make sure i'm as prepared about them as i possibly can.
after class yesterday i went to help hksa people make the i-buffet stuff. together with vincent and ruby, we must've cleaned like 1000 chicken wings... it was pretty insane. i'm hoping they'd have left overs after wednesday so i can bring some home hahaha... also, thanks baby for buying me dinner after. =)
in terms of school work, i think i accomplished a lot yesterday, despite some frustrations along the way. during the day, i pretty much finished the matlab project for dsp. typed up hw for wireless comm. and after got home, i finished the code for digital comm, and the matlab code for wireless. still ahead this week, hw for digital comm, studying for midterm for dsp and wireless.
anyway, back to work.
rating for 02/25/08: 8
so i'm sitting here in my office waiting for a 70 mb pdf file to finish downloading. and i thought why not write a quick entry.
so we got our midterm grades for digital communication. got an 88.25, which i think is at least a b+ probably more like an A-. there are 3 people who scored in the low 90s, and i think two people scored just a fraction above me. i'm gonna guess that the 6 highest scores are the 6 grad students in the class since the grade distribution falls off pretty significantly after that. so i'm glad at least i'm within the top 6. with that said, i could have definitely done better on that test if i was actually thinking straight about some of the problems. there were a few really silly mistakes that i realized right away after the exam. perhaps better preparation next time can eliminate those or at least keep them to a minimum.
two more midterms before spring break. really need to make sure i'm as prepared about them as i possibly can.
after class yesterday i went to help hksa people make the i-buffet stuff. together with vincent and ruby, we must've cleaned like 1000 chicken wings... it was pretty insane. i'm hoping they'd have left overs after wednesday so i can bring some home hahaha... also, thanks baby for buying me dinner after. =)
in terms of school work, i think i accomplished a lot yesterday, despite some frustrations along the way. during the day, i pretty much finished the matlab project for dsp. typed up hw for wireless comm. and after got home, i finished the code for digital comm, and the matlab code for wireless. still ahead this week, hw for digital comm, studying for midterm for dsp and wireless.
anyway, back to work.
rating for 02/25/08: 8
Monday, February 25, 2008
a recap of the weekend.
on saturday, i came to the office since ruby had class all day. after finishing hw for dsp and lab for digital comm, i went to the rec center and played bball for a about 2 hrs. then we had a nice dinner at red lobster and played monopoly for the rest of the night while having a couple of beers.
on sunday, i finished the hw for wireless comm and attempted to do the lab for dsp. pretty much had no idea how we are supposed to do the lab, since we weren't taught any of the stuff in it. =\ gonna have two midterms coming up one for wireless comm and one fore dsp. so, really need to focus this week and make sure i do well in those.
on saturday, i came to the office since ruby had class all day. after finishing hw for dsp and lab for digital comm, i went to the rec center and played bball for a about 2 hrs. then we had a nice dinner at red lobster and played monopoly for the rest of the night while having a couple of beers.
on sunday, i finished the hw for wireless comm and attempted to do the lab for dsp. pretty much had no idea how we are supposed to do the lab, since we weren't taught any of the stuff in it. =\ gonna have two midterms coming up one for wireless comm and one fore dsp. so, really need to focus this week and make sure i do well in those.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
confusion.
so first of all google sent me an email about my blog which was really weird. read for yourselves.
so first of all google sent me an email about my blog which was really weird. read for yourselves.
Dear Blogger user,
This is a message from the Blogger team.
Your blog, at http://holden94122.blogspot.com/, has been identified as a potential spam blog. For an explanation of what spam blogs are, please see Blogger Help: http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=42577
You will not be able to publish posts to your blog until we review your site and confirm that it is not a spam blog. To request a review, please fill out the form found here: http://www.blogger.com/unlock-blog.g?lockedBlogID=9060803867779879076
We will take a look at your blog and unlock it within four business days. Please note that if we do not hear from you within 20 days, we will remove your blog. If this blog does not belong to you, then you do not have to do anything. Any other blogs you may have will not be affected.
Since you are an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not spam. We find spam by using an automated classifier. Automatic spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and occasionally a blog is flagged incorrectly. We sincerely apologize for this erroneous result. By using this kind of system, however, we can dedicate more storage, bandwidth, and engineering resources to users like you instead of to spammers.
Thank you for your understanding and for your help in our spam-fighting efforts.
Sincerely,
The Blogger Team
ok now that's done. some updates. yesterday during group meeting everyone went around and gave some updates on research. the problem was that when it came to me, dr. cui just kinda skipped me and went on to something else. even though i dont' really have anything to work on currently, but he assigned me to read some papers last week. and i thought i was going to at least give some feedback on the papers. so that kinda bothered me a little bit since usually he still asks me to talk about something no matter what. =\
today i'm in the office, the plan is to finish all the hw that's due next week, and then go to the rec center in the afternoon. and tomorrow i can read the papers that i was supposed to read.
watched butterfly effect and yesterday once more with ruby last night. =) makes me happy when we can just stay in and still have a good night. good times.
rating for 02/22/08a: 7
Thursday, February 21, 2008
struggle.
last few days i haven't been able to sleep very well. partly because there's a lot of stress from school and parents, and also poor elvin has been sick so he's been coughing a lot at night. really feel bad for elvin though, because when he coughs he seems so sad. and it's been like this for almost a week now i think. trying to think how i can get some children's cough syrup... =\
talked to advisor about research the other day. he asked me to read some papers of sdp relaxation applied in communication. i found some literature on the topic. some of them are a bit old, but i thought i'd start off on the older stuff first and get a solid foundation. i know some of the general concept in this area, but there's always some small details that i didn't understand that well from some papers from last semester. so for this week, i'm going to read steven boyd and lieven vanderberghe's semidefinite programming and see if it offers anything new to my understanding.
last night's lab was rediculous. didn't get home till about 9:15. =(
rating for 02/20/08: 7
last few days i haven't been able to sleep very well. partly because there's a lot of stress from school and parents, and also poor elvin has been sick so he's been coughing a lot at night. really feel bad for elvin though, because when he coughs he seems so sad. and it's been like this for almost a week now i think. trying to think how i can get some children's cough syrup... =\
talked to advisor about research the other day. he asked me to read some papers of sdp relaxation applied in communication. i found some literature on the topic. some of them are a bit old, but i thought i'd start off on the older stuff first and get a solid foundation. i know some of the general concept in this area, but there's always some small details that i didn't understand that well from some papers from last semester. so for this week, i'm going to read steven boyd and lieven vanderberghe's semidefinite programming and see if it offers anything new to my understanding.
last night's lab was rediculous. didn't get home till about 9:15. =(
rating for 02/20/08: 7
Monday, February 18, 2008
a recap on the past few days.
saturday was a good day. i went to the office to do some work during the day. and at night ruby and i went to dinner at pho john's with hksa, and then afterwards, we went ice skating at arctic wolf. i have never gone ice skating before. it was a lot of fun. i was happy that i didn't fall at all. and i was getting pretty decent by the end of the night. oh yeah also, before that we watched the third period of tamu vs. texas tech hockey game. i think 6 goals were scored by the two teams during that time. it was pretty nuts. then we went to play uno at wilson's. and when we got home, ruby's roommates were completely wasted and doing all kinds of funny things, which deserves to be told in a story of its own, but in the interest of time, we'll leave that off for now.
on sunday, i went to the office for a couple of hours, and then went to the rec to play bball. it was tiring as hell since i had to walk all the way from zachary to the rec, and then after bball, i had to walk from rec to msc to catch the bus. as a result my legs are basically made of jello right now. nevertheless it was good. i'm glad that i got to exercise.
today is off to a slow start. just finished doing the take home part of the exam for digital communications. and now it's lunch time. more later i guess.
yay! 4 months! =)
saturday was a good day. i went to the office to do some work during the day. and at night ruby and i went to dinner at pho john's with hksa, and then afterwards, we went ice skating at arctic wolf. i have never gone ice skating before. it was a lot of fun. i was happy that i didn't fall at all. and i was getting pretty decent by the end of the night. oh yeah also, before that we watched the third period of tamu vs. texas tech hockey game. i think 6 goals were scored by the two teams during that time. it was pretty nuts. then we went to play uno at wilson's. and when we got home, ruby's roommates were completely wasted and doing all kinds of funny things, which deserves to be told in a story of its own, but in the interest of time, we'll leave that off for now.
on sunday, i went to the office for a couple of hours, and then went to the rec to play bball. it was tiring as hell since i had to walk all the way from zachary to the rec, and then after bball, i had to walk from rec to msc to catch the bus. as a result my legs are basically made of jello right now. nevertheless it was good. i'm glad that i got to exercise.
today is off to a slow start. just finished doing the take home part of the exam for digital communications. and now it's lunch time. more later i guess.
yay! 4 months! =)
Saturday, February 16, 2008
optimism.
during group meeting yesterday, no one gave a presentation. so we just went around and talked about what we have been doing this week. for me, that basically means nothing since anthony so hasn't gotten back from chinese new year vacation yet. to be honest i don't know if i really want to work on a project jointly with anthony basically because his work is very theoretical and i just don't know how far i can go with all the math and the theory. i think it'd be better if my advisor can find something more practical. so we'll see.
i realized that i haven't gone to the rec center in quite a while, and i think i really need to make sure from now on that i go on a regular basis. it's one thing to make sure that i continue to grow intellectually, and it's another to keep up in a physical sense. so with that said, i'm going to try to go to the gym at least once a week, hopefully twice.
rating for 02/14/08: 6
during group meeting yesterday, no one gave a presentation. so we just went around and talked about what we have been doing this week. for me, that basically means nothing since anthony so hasn't gotten back from chinese new year vacation yet. to be honest i don't know if i really want to work on a project jointly with anthony basically because his work is very theoretical and i just don't know how far i can go with all the math and the theory. i think it'd be better if my advisor can find something more practical. so we'll see.
i realized that i haven't gone to the rec center in quite a while, and i think i really need to make sure from now on that i go on a regular basis. it's one thing to make sure that i continue to grow intellectually, and it's another to keep up in a physical sense. so with that said, i'm going to try to go to the gym at least once a week, hopefully twice.
rating for 02/14/08: 6
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
haven't felt this shitty in a long time. funny thing is, i didn't do anything wrong, yet i'm still the one getting hurt...
i'm not a stone. i can't take a beating like that and still survive.
edit: the left half of me just died
edit:
there is nothing but a dead silence now. i think everyone left already. i don't think i have been this lonely before. ok, maybe that's not entirely true. come to think of it, that drive from sd back home was pretty bad especially since i almost fell asleep at the wheel. but this is definitely one of the worst ever. my family's far away. i don't really have friends here, and even those i know probably can't do much to help. i just want to dig a hole and get inside until everything passes. ever have that feeling where you see nothing but blackness in your future? that's kinda like how it is right now. this is why i totally understand people who are suicidal. even though, i don't endorse it, but at least i think emotionally and psychologically, i think i know what's going on there. it's a scary feeling though. it really is. i really didn't think i was going to come back to it again. even when i tell myself to block it out, i can't help but feeling the effect of it. like a hole is being bore right in front of you. something used to be there. flesh and bones with feelings, replaced. with emptiness. a walk might be helpful if i wasn't so tired and unmotivated. the thing is, no matter what, no matter how i felt before, it always always gives me that feeling like i need cry. and cry hard.
i'm not a stone. i can't take a beating like that and still survive.
edit: the left half of me just died
edit:
there is nothing but a dead silence now. i think everyone left already. i don't think i have been this lonely before. ok, maybe that's not entirely true. come to think of it, that drive from sd back home was pretty bad especially since i almost fell asleep at the wheel. but this is definitely one of the worst ever. my family's far away. i don't really have friends here, and even those i know probably can't do much to help. i just want to dig a hole and get inside until everything passes. ever have that feeling where you see nothing but blackness in your future? that's kinda like how it is right now. this is why i totally understand people who are suicidal. even though, i don't endorse it, but at least i think emotionally and psychologically, i think i know what's going on there. it's a scary feeling though. it really is. i really didn't think i was going to come back to it again. even when i tell myself to block it out, i can't help but feeling the effect of it. like a hole is being bore right in front of you. something used to be there. flesh and bones with feelings, replaced. with emptiness. a walk might be helpful if i wasn't so tired and unmotivated. the thing is, no matter what, no matter how i felt before, it always always gives me that feeling like i need cry. and cry hard.
i wasn't going to be lame and post lyrics on this blog, let along lyrics that are not in english, but i really do like this song by 五月天 (may day), a taiwanese band. so here it is:
當 我和世界不一樣 那就讓我不一樣
堅持對我來說 就是以剛克剛
我 如果對自己妥協 如果對自己說謊
即使別人原諒 我也不能原諒
最美的願望 一定最瘋狂
我就是我自己的神 在我活的地方
我和我最後的倔強 握緊雙手絕對不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能絕望
我和我驕傲的倔強 我在風中大聲的唱
這一次為自己瘋狂 就這一次 我和我的倔強
對 愛我的人別緊張 我的固執很善良
我的手越骯髒 眼神越是發光
你 不在乎我的過往 看到了我的翅膀
你說被火燒過 才能出現鳳凰
逆風的方向 更適合飛翔
我不怕千萬人阻擋 只怕自己投降
我和我最後的倔強 握緊雙手絕對不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能絕望
我和我驕傲的倔強 我在風中大聲的唱
這一次為自己瘋狂 就這一次 我和我的倔強
我和我最後的倔強 握緊雙手絕對不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能絕望
我和我驕傲的倔強 我在風中大聲的唱
這一次為自己瘋狂 就這一次 我和我的倔強
就這一次 讓我大聲唱
啦啦啦...就算失望 不能絕望
啦啦啦...就這一次 我和我的倔強
this is really the only chinese songs i listen to, but i really think i should get more songs from them. the thing with music these days it that you rarely find creative and meaningful lyrics. everything is so homogeneous. so when you do find something good, you kinda want to hold on to it.
anyway, probably should get back to studying. FVD.
當 我和世界不一樣 那就讓我不一樣
堅持對我來說 就是以剛克剛
我 如果對自己妥協 如果對自己說謊
即使別人原諒 我也不能原諒
最美的願望 一定最瘋狂
我就是我自己的神 在我活的地方
我和我最後的倔強 握緊雙手絕對不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能絕望
我和我驕傲的倔強 我在風中大聲的唱
這一次為自己瘋狂 就這一次 我和我的倔強
對 愛我的人別緊張 我的固執很善良
我的手越骯髒 眼神越是發光
你 不在乎我的過往 看到了我的翅膀
你說被火燒過 才能出現鳳凰
逆風的方向 更適合飛翔
我不怕千萬人阻擋 只怕自己投降
我和我最後的倔強 握緊雙手絕對不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能絕望
我和我驕傲的倔強 我在風中大聲的唱
這一次為自己瘋狂 就這一次 我和我的倔強
我和我最後的倔強 握緊雙手絕對不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能絕望
我和我驕傲的倔強 我在風中大聲的唱
這一次為自己瘋狂 就這一次 我和我的倔強
就這一次 讓我大聲唱
啦啦啦...就算失望 不能絕望
啦啦啦...就這一次 我和我的倔強
this is really the only chinese songs i listen to, but i really think i should get more songs from them. the thing with music these days it that you rarely find creative and meaningful lyrics. everything is so homogeneous. so when you do find something good, you kinda want to hold on to it.
anyway, probably should get back to studying. FVD.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
struggles.
haven't gotten a chance to write an update for a few days. been kinda busy. today i had my first midterm of this semester. it was in digital communications. i don't think i did as well as i had hoped since i understood everything taught in the class up to this point. from what i have heard about the teacher, he likes to give hard tests, but he's a fair grader. so we'll see what happens. it shouldn't be that bad.
just finished doing hw for wireless comm. gonna probably type it up tomorrow morning so i can turn it in at noon. took a while for me to do the derivation for the 2 ray model. but thanks to meng, i was able to finally do the approximation using the formula he gave me.
haven't read for dsp in a couple of days. really should make sure i read before the quiz on friday.
haven't really been doing research since school started. there's simply nothing really for me to do. in a way i think that is good, since it gives me more time to focus on the classes. but also, it makes me feel a bit guilty since i'm basically being paid for doing nothing.
anyway, need to file for degree plan this semester. thesis or nonthesis?? need to decide... soon.
rating for 02/13/08: 7
haven't gotten a chance to write an update for a few days. been kinda busy. today i had my first midterm of this semester. it was in digital communications. i don't think i did as well as i had hoped since i understood everything taught in the class up to this point. from what i have heard about the teacher, he likes to give hard tests, but he's a fair grader. so we'll see what happens. it shouldn't be that bad.
just finished doing hw for wireless comm. gonna probably type it up tomorrow morning so i can turn it in at noon. took a while for me to do the derivation for the 2 ray model. but thanks to meng, i was able to finally do the approximation using the formula he gave me.
haven't read for dsp in a couple of days. really should make sure i read before the quiz on friday.
haven't really been doing research since school started. there's simply nothing really for me to do. in a way i think that is good, since it gives me more time to focus on the classes. but also, it makes me feel a bit guilty since i'm basically being paid for doing nothing.
anyway, need to file for degree plan this semester. thesis or nonthesis?? need to decide... soon.
rating for 02/13/08: 7
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
struggles.
yesterday was very inefficient. i did pretty much finish the group website, but unfortunately the group picture needs to be updated, so at some point i think we need to all get together and take a picture. as of now, the old group picture is on the home page. that's why i haven't put the site up yet. need to think of something to put on the home page other than the old group picture.
got to read for wireless a little bit. even though the channel modeling part is pretty difficult but since i have already gone through it once, and dr. cui talked a little bit about it, this time around, it made more sense. the mathematical part is so crazy though.
today is going to be a long day. 3 hours of lecture for two classes plus a lab at night. better get started on the work.
rating for 02/05/08: 5
yesterday was very inefficient. i did pretty much finish the group website, but unfortunately the group picture needs to be updated, so at some point i think we need to all get together and take a picture. as of now, the old group picture is on the home page. that's why i haven't put the site up yet. need to think of something to put on the home page other than the old group picture.
got to read for wireless a little bit. even though the channel modeling part is pretty difficult but since i have already gone through it once, and dr. cui talked a little bit about it, this time around, it made more sense. the mathematical part is so crazy though.
today is going to be a long day. 3 hours of lecture for two classes plus a lab at night. better get started on the work.
rating for 02/05/08: 5
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
confusion.
since i have about 4 minutes before i absolutely need to start working, i'm going to make this short. yesterday was somewhat productive. advisor asked me to fix the group website, so i got around to change some of the stuff. still need to do some photoshopping though. hopefully it will be up before the end of the week. i should post the link when it's done.
did a little bit of hw for wireless comm. and then spent about two hours on looking for a summer internship position. *crosses fingers*.
rating for 02/04/08: 6
since i have about 4 minutes before i absolutely need to start working, i'm going to make this short. yesterday was somewhat productive. advisor asked me to fix the group website, so i got around to change some of the stuff. still need to do some photoshopping though. hopefully it will be up before the end of the week. i should post the link when it's done.
did a little bit of hw for wireless comm. and then spent about two hours on looking for a summer internship position. *crosses fingers*.
rating for 02/04/08: 6
Monday, February 4, 2008
optimism
yesterday was not very productive in terms of school work. but over all it was not bad. i finished doing the matlab problems for digital communications. think they should all be correct. in the afternoon i went to play basketball. it was the first time in a long time that i played for about 3 hours. afterwards i was exhausted, but it felt really good. i think a few people that i play with are going to start intramural soon. maybe i should participate. if i have some time to spare that is.
today is going to be a busy day. a lot of small things to work on. shouldn't be too bad i think. must go now.
yesterday was not very productive in terms of school work. but over all it was not bad. i finished doing the matlab problems for digital communications. think they should all be correct. in the afternoon i went to play basketball. it was the first time in a long time that i played for about 3 hours. afterwards i was exhausted, but it felt really good. i think a few people that i play with are going to start intramural soon. maybe i should participate. if i have some time to spare that is.
today is going to be a busy day. a lot of small things to work on. shouldn't be too bad i think. must go now.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
struggles.
today over all was an ok day. i spent most of the morning reading this one paper that my advisor asked me to read for the past two weeks. it's a very difficult to read mainly because of some of the concepts related to graph theory and rigidity theory applied to sensor networks. as a result, i started reading these other reference papers to help me understand some of the ideas. but those were not very helpful either.
group meeting was scary. not because advisor asked me to give updates, but because he didn't say much after i told him about what i have been doing. he told me i might be working with anthony so on some problems that he has been doing. but since he didn't say much today, i think that might not be working out so much. and what's worse is that i don't know how much confidence he has in me about my ability to conduct research.
later in the afternoon, i got an email from him telling me to do the group website. that pretty much confirmed that i probably won't be working on any meaningful research in the near future. and that's pretty disappointing.
i walked by his office later and heard him talking to dr. liu tie about their respective students. i kinda wanted to stick around and see what they think of me, but decided to just not think about it and do the best i can in the task that is assigned to me.
after class, some of my friends went to carino's for dinner. they had some kindava special, so the place was packed. it took us over an hour before we got seats. but over all the food was very satisfying. it was also fun playing uno for a couple of hours after dinner. unfortunately, it's back to work tomorrow.
rating 02/01/08: 7
today over all was an ok day. i spent most of the morning reading this one paper that my advisor asked me to read for the past two weeks. it's a very difficult to read mainly because of some of the concepts related to graph theory and rigidity theory applied to sensor networks. as a result, i started reading these other reference papers to help me understand some of the ideas. but those were not very helpful either.
group meeting was scary. not because advisor asked me to give updates, but because he didn't say much after i told him about what i have been doing. he told me i might be working with anthony so on some problems that he has been doing. but since he didn't say much today, i think that might not be working out so much. and what's worse is that i don't know how much confidence he has in me about my ability to conduct research.
later in the afternoon, i got an email from him telling me to do the group website. that pretty much confirmed that i probably won't be working on any meaningful research in the near future. and that's pretty disappointing.
i walked by his office later and heard him talking to dr. liu tie about their respective students. i kinda wanted to stick around and see what they think of me, but decided to just not think about it and do the best i can in the task that is assigned to me.
after class, some of my friends went to carino's for dinner. they had some kindava special, so the place was packed. it took us over an hour before we got seats. but over all the food was very satisfying. it was also fun playing uno for a couple of hours after dinner. unfortunately, it's back to work tomorrow.
rating 02/01/08: 7
Thursday, January 31, 2008
optimism.
today was a pretty good day. let's start with the obvious. got to school early, thanks to my baby for giving me a ride. read appendix a of goldsmith's book. it was difficult to understand since i haven't got the background in digital communication. but in the afternoon, i was able to do the quiz given in the class. so i think it wasn't so bad. next week we will officially begin the wireless channel modeling part in that class. since i have been sitting in on the grad level class, i think it'll help me understand the channel modeling part better. which reminds me, i should review my statistics.
after my class, i did the majority of the hw for dsp. and then, i helped chiawen with his interview with qualcomm. they asked him several question on hardware, which i didn't really understand. but all of the questions they asked on wireless and general communication, i think i could have answered better. that actually made me pretty optimistic about my future job situation.
i have also decided to sit in on this circuit theory class to help me gain more hardware background. that way next fall i can take more hardware classes.
anyway, time to shower and read some more papers.
rate 01/31/08: 8
today was a pretty good day. let's start with the obvious. got to school early, thanks to my baby for giving me a ride. read appendix a of goldsmith's book. it was difficult to understand since i haven't got the background in digital communication. but in the afternoon, i was able to do the quiz given in the class. so i think it wasn't so bad. next week we will officially begin the wireless channel modeling part in that class. since i have been sitting in on the grad level class, i think it'll help me understand the channel modeling part better. which reminds me, i should review my statistics.
after my class, i did the majority of the hw for dsp. and then, i helped chiawen with his interview with qualcomm. they asked him several question on hardware, which i didn't really understand. but all of the questions they asked on wireless and general communication, i think i could have answered better. that actually made me pretty optimistic about my future job situation.
i have also decided to sit in on this circuit theory class to help me gain more hardware background. that way next fall i can take more hardware classes.
anyway, time to shower and read some more papers.
rate 01/31/08: 8
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
huffman code
struggles.
yet another average day. started working on the homework for dsp which is due friday. this time there were a lot of problems and every problem has a lot of calculations. think i should probably use matlab for some of them since the fourier coefficient calculations take forever by hand.
since dr. pfister is in san diego this week for ITA, dr. narayanan took over the lecture for digital communications. last semester i sat in on dr. narayanan's information theory class. though it was a bit of a struggle with all the advanced material, nevertheless, it was such a joy listening to dr. narayanan's lectures. he's always very patient in presenting the material. he almost never rushes in writing things down on the board and carefully explaining each results. since most of his research is in the area of channel coding, he talked about a few algorithms today. the majority of the discussion was focused on huffman code, which is a very simple coding scheme that produces an optimal instantaneous code by utilizing the probability distribution of the source. it is used widely in data compression, such as jpeg and mpeg files. there is a really nice story behind it. definitely worth reading and knowing about. =)
anyway, back to homeworking.
rating 01/30/2008: 7
yet another average day. started working on the homework for dsp which is due friday. this time there were a lot of problems and every problem has a lot of calculations. think i should probably use matlab for some of them since the fourier coefficient calculations take forever by hand.
since dr. pfister is in san diego this week for ITA, dr. narayanan took over the lecture for digital communications. last semester i sat in on dr. narayanan's information theory class. though it was a bit of a struggle with all the advanced material, nevertheless, it was such a joy listening to dr. narayanan's lectures. he's always very patient in presenting the material. he almost never rushes in writing things down on the board and carefully explaining each results. since most of his research is in the area of channel coding, he talked about a few algorithms today. the majority of the discussion was focused on huffman code, which is a very simple coding scheme that produces an optimal instantaneous code by utilizing the probability distribution of the source. it is used widely in data compression, such as jpeg and mpeg files. there is a really nice story behind it. definitely worth reading and knowing about. =)
anyway, back to homeworking.
rating 01/30/2008: 7
struggle.
yesterday was overall a productive day. i did the matlab problems for dsp, and also read many sections of the book. still haven't done the exercise problems yet, but hopefully after i finish reading the next two sections, i will be able to do the problems without too much problem.
in advisor's class, he asked us to read through appendix A and B of Wireless Communications. since i'm taking digital communications this semester, appendix A was a difficult read. there were a lot of terms that i'm not very familiar with. but hopefully i'll be able to get by. appendix B was much easier, since it was mostly on probability and random variables. though toward the end, when it talked about random processes, i was a bit lost. the math was pretty difficult to get around. maybe it will clear up a bit when i read it again this afternoon.
for research i was supposed to read this paper by anthony so. i got through about half of it so far. and then i got stuck on one of the theorems. and for the last two days, i haven't made any progress. think i really need to finish it before group meeting on friday.
rating for 01/29/08: 7
yesterday was overall a productive day. i did the matlab problems for dsp, and also read many sections of the book. still haven't done the exercise problems yet, but hopefully after i finish reading the next two sections, i will be able to do the problems without too much problem.
in advisor's class, he asked us to read through appendix A and B of Wireless Communications. since i'm taking digital communications this semester, appendix A was a difficult read. there were a lot of terms that i'm not very familiar with. but hopefully i'll be able to get by. appendix B was much easier, since it was mostly on probability and random variables. though toward the end, when it talked about random processes, i was a bit lost. the math was pretty difficult to get around. maybe it will clear up a bit when i read it again this afternoon.
for research i was supposed to read this paper by anthony so. i got through about half of it so far. and then i got stuck on one of the theorems. and for the last two days, i haven't made any progress. think i really need to finish it before group meeting on friday.
rating for 01/29/08: 7
Monday, January 28, 2008
entry 1 of blog version 2.0
prelude:
the people have spoken and i have listened. a few of you might have read the previous version of holden94122.blogspot.com, and might have liked it even. so you might know that it was deleted due to my lack of time to properly maintain updates on it. though my schedule remain very busy, i think in this version, i will try to keep the entries short and to the point, so as to save time. so for those of you who enjoyed reading the last blog, please feel free to make comments as well as suggestions.
the new blog is titled "struggles, confusion, and optimism". i think those three words characterize very well my life as of now. struggles mostly refer to school work; confusion is what i have been experiencing since coming to grad school; and optimism is what i hold for the future. each entry from now on will be labeled by one or more of these three words, depending on the content of the entry. also, i'm thinking going back to the original rating system developed by dan and chris. a number will be assigned at the end of everyday, based on my activities during the day. academics and daily life will be the two major weighing factors that i taking into account in assigning myself a score. not sure if dan, chris, and derek are still using a rating system. perhaps i will check later.
---
now today's entry: optimism. after group meeting with advisor last friday, i felt a little more optimistic about my academic future. the majority of the group meeting composed of eating pizza while giving updates on research, huang zheng giving a presentation on the papers he read recently, and dr. Cui asking a bunch of difficult questions and getting mad at huang zheng's terrible english. so basically how group meeting goes every friday.
but toward the end of the meeting dr. cui said something that kind of hit me differently. he told us that it's not important to him how long we take to make big progress. it's ok as long as we make a little progress every day. the learning process is a long one. he himself didn't publish his first paper until 3rd year of grad school. but because he was able to set a good foundation, and cumulate material over the first two years, in his 4th year, he published 4 papers.
what he said made me think about what i have been trying to do since i first got to grad school. i kept on thinking that i need to learn a bulk of things right away, so as to catch up to the other people in my dept. but what i really need to do is to take small steps. no matter how small the steps, as long as i keep it consistent, it will lead to good results later on. this is one of the reasons why i think keeping a blog would be beneficial in the long run. it allows me to keep track of things everyday to make sure that i have done what i need to do, to take those small steps.
now that i have spent about 20 minutes on this, time to get back work.
1/29/08 rating: 7
the people have spoken and i have listened. a few of you might have read the previous version of holden94122.blogspot.com, and might have liked it even. so you might know that it was deleted due to my lack of time to properly maintain updates on it. though my schedule remain very busy, i think in this version, i will try to keep the entries short and to the point, so as to save time. so for those of you who enjoyed reading the last blog, please feel free to make comments as well as suggestions.
the new blog is titled "struggles, confusion, and optimism". i think those three words characterize very well my life as of now. struggles mostly refer to school work; confusion is what i have been experiencing since coming to grad school; and optimism is what i hold for the future. each entry from now on will be labeled by one or more of these three words, depending on the content of the entry. also, i'm thinking going back to the original rating system developed by dan and chris. a number will be assigned at the end of everyday, based on my activities during the day. academics and daily life will be the two major weighing factors that i taking into account in assigning myself a score. not sure if dan, chris, and derek are still using a rating system. perhaps i will check later.
---
now today's entry: optimism. after group meeting with advisor last friday, i felt a little more optimistic about my academic future. the majority of the group meeting composed of eating pizza while giving updates on research, huang zheng giving a presentation on the papers he read recently, and dr. Cui asking a bunch of difficult questions and getting mad at huang zheng's terrible english. so basically how group meeting goes every friday.
but toward the end of the meeting dr. cui said something that kind of hit me differently. he told us that it's not important to him how long we take to make big progress. it's ok as long as we make a little progress every day. the learning process is a long one. he himself didn't publish his first paper until 3rd year of grad school. but because he was able to set a good foundation, and cumulate material over the first two years, in his 4th year, he published 4 papers.
what he said made me think about what i have been trying to do since i first got to grad school. i kept on thinking that i need to learn a bulk of things right away, so as to catch up to the other people in my dept. but what i really need to do is to take small steps. no matter how small the steps, as long as i keep it consistent, it will lead to good results later on. this is one of the reasons why i think keeping a blog would be beneficial in the long run. it allows me to keep track of things everyday to make sure that i have done what i need to do, to take those small steps.
now that i have spent about 20 minutes on this, time to get back work.
1/29/08 rating: 7
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